All oaths

“I am quitting cigarettes today. Not cutting down. Quitting. If you see me with one, you may show me this page.”

“No new clothes for one full year. Not one piece. My wardrobe is enough.”

“I will propose to Elena before the leaves fall. I have had the ring since March. I swear it.”

“I swear I will stop saying 'I'll do it tomorrow'. Whatever it is, it happens today or I say no honestly.”

“I swear I will not miss a single one of my daughter's football matches this season. Work can wait.”

“Before God and everyone who knows me: • I will call my mother every Sunday • I will actually listen • I will not look at my laptop while doing it”

“One hundred trees on the family land this year, planted with my own hands. I swear to God.”

“I swear I will not check my phone in bed for the next 90 days. It goes in the kitchen at 10pm.”

“I will have my driver's licence before the year ends. Thirty-seven years of being a passenger is enough.”

“The half-built deck in the garden gets finished before my in-laws visit in August. Three summers is enough.”

“I am done with the 3am doom-scroll. Airplane mode after midnight, every night, for a year.”

“I will never again say yes to a meeting that could have been an email.”

“I am closing my credit cards today and I will not open another one. Cash or nothing from here on.”

“I will get the surgery I have been putting off for two years. Appointment booked before the end of the month.”

“I swear to God I will learn to swim this year. I am 34 and I am done being afraid of the deep end.”

“I swear to God I will not gossip about a coworker for the rest of the year. If I have something to say, I will say it to their face or not at all.”

“Bed by 11pm on weeknights for the rest of this year. The sleep debt gets paid, so help me God.”

“I swear to God I will not take on another client until I have finished the three projects I already promised.”

“I will stay sober. One day at a time, but this page is the line I will not cross.”

“Thirty days without raising my voice at my kids. If I slip, the counter resets and I will say so here. So help me God.”

“I will finish the novel I have been writing for eleven years before my 40th birthday. No more rewriting chapter one.”

“One handwritten letter every month to someone who mattered to me. Written and posted, not drafted.”

“By her 90th birthday I will speak my grandmother's language well enough to have a real conversation with her. On my word.”

“I will apologise to my father in person, not by text, before Christmas.”

“Before God: I will never again lie to my wife about money. Every account, every purchase, open book.”

“I will visit my grandmother every single week for as long as she is with us. No excuses about the drive.”

“Version 1.0 ships by December 1st. Ugly, embarrassing, unfinished, I do not care. It ships.”

“A 5k every week this year, rain or shine, and I will post the times.”

“Twenty percent of every paycheque goes into savings this year, before I touch a cent of it. On my honour.”

“Every cent I owe my brother gets paid back by the end of this year, with the interest he refused to ask for. I swear to God.”

“My PhD thesis is submitted by June 30th. My supervisor has this link and permission to use it.”

“I swear to God I will lose the 15 kilos my doctor asked me to lose, and I will keep them off for a year after that.”

“One book a month, cover to cover, for twelve months. Audiobooks count. Summaries do not.”

“The studio I keep talking about opens. First class taught before the end of next year. I swear it on everything.”

“On my word: I will run the Lagos marathon next year and I will not walk a single step of it.”

“The bakery happens. Lease signed by October, doors open by spring. I am done talking about it.”